“Not blood but,
In case you don’t remember Curt Shilling pitched
game 6 of the 2004 AFL Championship series with the Yankees wearing a
bloody sock. It was inspirational. It was the Red Sox and it was a red
sock. The Sox then went on to win their first world series in eight
decades. And now, Baltimore Orioles broadcaster Gary Thorne says it was
all for PR. Gary Thorne says Sox catcher Doug Mirabelli told him it was
not blood on the sock but paint.
Everybody associated with the sock denies that it
was anything but blood. Schilling denies it. Terry Francona, Boston’s
manager, denies it. Dr. Bill Morgan, who performed the procedure on
Schilling’s ankle that allowed him to pitch, denies it. And Doug
Mirabelli, who caught Schilling in that game, says Gary Thorne is a
flat liar. “It was blood,” Mirabelli says, “Everyone knows it was
Schilling goes on his blog and offers one million
dollars to anyone who can prove it wasn’t blood. Gary Thorne refuses to
retract what he said and suggests somebody should perform a DNA test on
The sock itself, which, by the way, now hangs in the Baseball Hall of
Fame probably wouldn’t mind a DNA test. It’s been sitting alone in a
glass box for years all by its lonesome. No human contact. No pairing
up with other socks in the drawer. No going out for a walk with your
buddy. No toes stretching you on the inside. No taking a nice whirlpool
with the old gang. It just sits there, just sitting in a glass box with
people pointing at you. Sure, the Baseball Hall of Fame is a nice quiet
building and it’s better to be there than rotting in a garbage heap…
So we here at Silliman on Sports thought why not go to the source? If a
big baseball scandal is festering, we do what we can. Nobody else is
interviewing the sock so we might have an exclusive. However, it’s
possible that the Sock might not grant an interview to any ordinary
reporter so we asked Michael Jackson if he would conduct the interview
wearing “the Glove.” We think the Sock will grant an interview with the
Glove. As it turns out, Michael Jackson says he always wanted to go to
Cooperstown and is happy to do this interview for us.
Jackson with the Glove: Mr. Sock? Mr. famous Boston
Red Sock? A celebrity wants to talk to you. Mr. Sparkly Glove wants to
Sock: Beat it. How about that? Just beat it
Now that’s not very nice, Mr. Sock. Mr. Bloody Sock. You know I was
there first. I sang “Blood on the Dance Floor” about a dancer who was a
lover who danced so hard he got all bloody.
You wanna be startin’ something? You wanna be startin’ something? I bet
you didn’t think socks could hit the high notes. Everybody assumes
we’re way down here just because we’re near the floor. Say, say, say!!
Say, say, say!!
pretty yappy for a sock.
Billie Jean… is not my lover. She says I am the one. Bu the kid is not
So would you mind if they did a DNA on you?
Well, hey, you didn’t seem to like it so much. But, no, I don’t mind.
They can grab my heels, look under my cuff, step on my toes cause I am
so tough… but don’t you… don’t you step on my blue suede shoes.
So you’re all blood, no paint?
Hey, pretty baby with the high heels on. Of course I’m all blood. But
you know what? You give me fever. Fever, like I’ve never ever known.
And I’m a size 13, so there.
So we can report there’s no paint on you?
Your butt is mine. Gonna tell you right. Just show your face in broad
daylight. Your butt is mine. Cause I’m bad, I’m bad.- come on, bad,
bad, really, really bad.