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Sockgate: Silliest of all Gates  by Stan Silliman     humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Sockgate: Silliest of all Gates  

      “Not blood but, instead, paint.”
    In case you don’t remember Curt Shilling pitched game 6 of the 2004 AFL Championship series with the Yankees wearing a bloody sock. It was inspirational. It was the Red Sox and it was a red sock. The Sox then went on to win their first world series in eight decades. And now, Baltimore Orioles broadcaster Gary Thorne says it was all for PR. Gary Thorne says Sox catcher Doug Mirabelli told him it was not blood on the sock but paint.

    Everybody associated with the sock denies that it was anything but blood. Schilling denies it. Terry Francona, Boston’s manager, denies it. Dr. Bill Morgan, who performed the procedure on Schilling’s ankle that allowed him to pitch, denies it. And Doug Mirabelli, who caught Schilling in that game, says Gary Thorne is a flat liar. “It was blood,” Mirabelli says, “Everyone knows it was blood.”

    Schilling goes on his blog and offers one million dollars to anyone who can prove it wasn’t blood. Gary Thorne refuses to retract what he said and suggests somebody should perform a DNA test on the sock.

The sock itself, which, by the way, now hangs in the Baseball Hall of Fame probably wouldn’t mind a DNA test. It’s been sitting alone in a glass box for years all by its lonesome. No human contact. No pairing up with other socks in the drawer. No going out for a walk with your buddy. No toes stretching you on the inside. No taking a nice whirlpool with the old gang. It just sits there, just sitting in a glass box with people pointing at you. Sure, the Baseball Hall of Fame is a nice quiet building and it’s better to be there than rotting in a garbage heap… but still.

So we here at Silliman on Sports thought why not go to the source? If a big baseball scandal is festering, we do what we can. Nobody else is interviewing the sock so we might have an exclusive. However, it’s possible that the Sock might not grant an interview to any ordinary reporter so we asked Michael Jackson if he would conduct the interview wearing “the Glove.” We think the Sock will grant an interview with the Glove. As it turns out, Michael Jackson says he always wanted to go to Cooperstown and is happy to do this interview for us.
Sockgate: Silliest of all Gates  by Stan Silliman     humor sports comedy cartoons articles
                Michael Jackson with the Glove:   Mr. Sock? Mr. famous Boston Red Sock? A celebrity wants to talk to you. Mr. Sparkly Glove wants to ask you…
                Famous Red Sock: Beat it. How about that? Just beat it
                MJWTG: Now that’s not very nice, Mr. Sock. Mr. Bloody Sock. You know I was there first. I sang “Blood on the Dance Floor” about a dancer who was a lover who danced so hard he got all bloody.
                FRS: You wanna be startin’ something? You wanna be startin’ something? I bet you didn’t think socks could hit the high notes. Everybody assumes we’re way down here just because we’re near the floor. Say, say, say!! Say, say, say!!
                MJWTG: You’re pretty yappy for a sock.
                FRS: Billie Jean… is not my lover. She says I am the one. Bu the kid is not my son.
                MJWTG: So would you mind if they did a DNA on you?
                FRS: Well, hey, you didn’t seem to like it so much. But, no, I don’t mind. They can grab my heels, look under my cuff, step on my toes cause I am so tough…  but don’t you… don’t you step on my blue suede shoes.
                MJWTG: So you’re all blood, no paint?
                FRS: Hey, pretty baby with the high heels on. Of course I’m all blood. But you know what? You give me fever. Fever, like I’ve never ever known. And I’m a size 13, so there.
                MJWTG: So we can report there’s no paint on you?
                FRS: Your butt is mine. Gonna tell you right. Just show your face in broad daylight. Your butt is mine. Cause I’m bad, I’m bad.- come on, bad, bad, really, really bad.

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