Want more proof our specie is wading in the shallow end of the gene pool? Spike TV.

    For those unfamiliar, SPIKE is the man’s answer to LIFETIME or OXYGEN. It’s a network for manly men, men who use jalapeno Visine, buy their 80 grit toilet paper at the hardware store, hand dig ditches without the use of a shovel. Wimps, the whipped and the emos need not bother tuning in. There are forbidden words on Spike TV, words like “Oprah” that if you utter means immediate Singapore deportation to meet a stack of # 10 canes.

    Only on Spike TV could there be a reality show called Pros vs Joes. This is where an everyday Joe who always thought he could be a sports star competes in a skills competition against a former pro. Have you ever dreamed you could block the roundhouse kicks of Chuck Norris? No, that would be suicidal, right? One misstep and your decapitated head goes flying into your neighbor’s back yard.
    “Nice day for a bar-b-que.”
    “Fred? Is that you? Where’s your…”

    Of course, this is right after your mind starts screaming to your body “whoa, stupid idea. Can we cancel? Can we cancellllll?”
    We told you sport fans were crazy. Sports fans who watch Spike TV… need we mention?

    This year Pros vs Joes is being advertised as “Bigger. Badder. Ballsier.” Adam “Pacman” Jones has joined the roster of pros. Pacman is out of football at the moment but does this mean you could run downfield and catch a pass on Pacman? Here’s a clue. Unless you were a star receiver in college, Pacman can run down the field backwards faster than you can run forward. Still, that doesn’t keep hundreds of JOES from lining up for their humiliation.

    The casting call reads like this:  Pros vs Joes is looking for everyday Joes to compete against the best athletes in the world. If you are super out going, between the ages of 25-35 in prime physical condition and ready for anything, please apply. If you have ever been paid to play a sport you may not be eligible.” Then it goes on to say if your leg is broken or you wind up on a respirator, you’re on your own. You will, however, get a nice video to watch while recovering.

    Who wouldn’t love getting in the ring with Bill Goldberg? Or hitting against John Rocker? Or trying to drive the lane against Xavier McDaniel? Don’t forget, the X-Man, Xavier McDaniel, is now 50 years old and you might be half his age. Forget it. Some of these guys trying to get a shot off against McDaniel looked like real basketball players but it made no difference, grand dad was going to swat the ball back into their teeth anyway.

    Not all the Joes are shmoes. Some can ball, some were college stars. In a Ron Shelton movie sense this show is a venue for the Tin Cups and the Billy Hoyles and Sidney Deanes from White Men Can’t Jump, guys who thought they could compete but for some reason or other hit a wall. With that point in mind, when it reveals even the top Joes can’t cut it, the program has redeeming value. Yes, the sweet redeeming value to make all the armchair and Monday morning quarterbacks who boast they can do better than a pro… SHUT UP… once and for all. And for that, let’s be grateful.