on Sports
Our Super Bowl 40 Ads by Stan Silliman


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Our Super Bowl 40 Ads

           We here at SOSA, Silliman On Sports Advertising, have our Super Bowl ads ready. They’ve been submitted to the various agencies. Hope a few make it because this is going to be the biggest Super Bowl ever. It’s so big they’re calling it SUPER BOWL “XL”. Not just large, but EXTRA large. 

         It’s so large one of the stars in a Super Bowl ad will have the longest name ever – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, a convenience store clerk with his own Kwik-E-Mart. That’s a pretty long name. He could never have been in an ad during Super Bowl XXXVIII. During XXXVIII you had to have names like Coach John FoX and play in a town like Houston, TeXas.

        This Super Bowl is Extra Large. Quarterbacks are big guys like Ben Roethlisberger. Announcers are big guys like John Madden. Burger King has a big, big King like the King. And Jason will lugging along his old, very old, BIG pants during his Subway ads.

       For that reason we’ve decided to go big on our ads. We’re trying to run an ad for the Canadian Air Force but it hasn’t made it past the censors yet. In our ads the CAF does a fly over, protecting the northern borders from intruders but as they circle back and do a smoke streamed figure eight, they keep flying over and over in a circle until there appears to be a “wardrobe malfunction” over one of the circles. Music in the background is “Rock Your Body.”  We were going to have a scroll over reading: “Canada. We’re protecting you with our Air Force above and our Mounties below” but so far, we can’t make it fly.

     We’ve proposed an ad promoting the mayor of Detroit, host city of SBXL. He’s done a wonderful job and we thought erecting a giant banner, with his initials on it, downtown would be tasteful but Kwame Kramer Kilpatrick nixed the idea. Later we were told he nixed it because his middle name turns out to be Marcus… or something like that. Sticklers!

    We’re still thinking big. Roger Penske, the racing car and rental truck giant, is running the host committee so we proposed an ad using the Penske Rental Trucks to move out all the Detroit displaced Ford and GM auto workers.  It’s going to show how careful the Penske guys are in helping move out the big screen TVs to the vans and the portable generators Penske rents them so they can watch the Super Bowl on their move. They nixed this idea, too.

    We proposed a big ad for Emerald Nuts using several Detroit area rock stars. In it Madonna and Kid Rock attend Marshall Mathers’ wedding.  But instead of throwing rice at Kim and M (or Kim and Eminem, if you prefer), they throw nuts. Emerald Nuts, to be exact, because they’re NUTS and Emerald is the best throwing nuts you can buy. Maybe next year, they tell us.

    Our biggest ad yet involves Gatorade. You know, always at the end of the Super Bowl, the winning coach is going to get doused. He’s going to be drenched with lemony, ice-cold Gatorade. So we thought why not show them dousing every boss who happens to do a championship job.  Have the employees turn buckets on their bosses. Chief of Surgeon just finished a successful three hour heart transplant… the interns turn the bucket. The verdict has just come back on a heart wrenching three month trial and your closing made it favorable… your next chair along with the client showers you with Gatorade. You’ve battled traffic, the commute was murder but you made it home ten minutes ahead of schedule and… you’re getting a Gatorade shower. We’re still waiting to hear on this one.  Wish us luck.
Our Super Bowl 40 Ads by Stan Silliman

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