Cold weather Super Bowl football fans rejoice.
Not only will you not be able to warm yourself
by tailgating you canít even get a toasty
limousine to drop you off at the game.
If youíre into suffering, and if youíre a
football fan youíll accuse me of being
redundant, have we got a Super Bowl for you.
Not only did they locate the game in the
Meadowlands on February 2nd, the NFL is making
it as bitter as possible just to weed out all
the fair weather fans.
To start off, a blizzard is likely. To ramp up
the enjoyment, tailgating is discouraged. Al
Kelly, CEO of the Super Bowl XLVIII organizing
committee says ďYouíll be allowed to have food
and drinks in your car. Just no lawn chairs,
no grills and you canít take up more than one
parking space.Ē Thanks, Al. I didnít
care for grilling hot dogs in a blizzard,
anyway. Iím fine with being dropped off
right in front and hailing my cab, later.
ďYou canít do that,Ē says Al. ďUnless youíre
dropped off by a car with a parking pass,
weíll insist you pay $ 51 and get on the Fan
Express Charter Bus. No taxis, no limos, no
black cars.Ē What, Al, no black cars? Itís
2013, isnít that racist?
Geez, letís back up. In case you havenít
caught on, Iím not a fan of cold weather
football. Iím sure this means Iíll never know
the thrill of shivering with friendly Packer
fans. Letís back up, again. Iíve played in
windy, cold weather games. Iíve attended a few
games in metal stadiums. Iíve also been to
games where I had to chip the sleet off my
feet. In those days you could bring an ice
pick with you into the stadium. At Met Life
Stadium, you wonít. Theyíll probably have
designated ice pickers or sterno carriers
coming down the aisle and charging you $ 50
each to unstick your shoes from the surface.
Thatís per shoe.
This past weekend we had several cold weather
games that were a pleasure to watchÖ on
television. LeSean McCoy sloshed through the
snow in Philadelphia to the tune of 33 fantasy
football points for my team. I felt
sorry for the referees. They couldnít even see
the end zone stripe. They just kept
calling touchdown and the defenders kept
saying ďHell yes, anything to get off the
In Stillwater, Oklahoma, OU scored in the last
seconds to beat the OSU Cowboys in a bitter
cold battle. Not so cold the Cowboy fans
couldnít make snowballs and toss them at the
Sooner players. But cold enough, former
players Trey Metroyer and Byron Houston were
only describing themselves.
Up north, Cowboys of a different sort were
being treated to bearlike weather in Chicago.
How cold was it? Mike Ditka was being honored
and you could tell he didnít want to be on the
field. When 8 degree weather is too cold for
Mike Ditka, how bad can it be for the fans?
Hereís how bad: Their beer froze. Yes,
Chicagoans, who love Ditka, and their Bears
and their beers couldnít even get their
alcoholic drinks to liquefy.
So what does this add up to, the Super Bowl
February outdoor game in New Jersey, next to
the river? A dumb idea, thatís what. If itís
too cold for Tony Soprano to bury some bodies
in New Jersey because the ground is too hard,
itís too cold to play the biggest game of the
year. On the other hand, if suffering is what
being a football fan is all about, you wonít
have to worry about your favorite receiver
cramping up. Lucky you, your $ 1000 or so
couldnít buy you more pain than if you went to
Moniqueís S & M Salon.
friend at facebook.com/stan.silliman