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Hyping The Recessionary Super Bowl by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Hyping The Recessionary Super Bowl

        Are you ready for some Super Bowl hyyyyyype?
       Since we heard Super Bowl ticket resale prices dropped to a mere $ 3100, we figured a little hype was in order. That’s $ 3100, average. We were shocked, of course, so we called RazorGator, a ticket reseller, and they confirmed the maximum ticket price so far this year has only been $ 5350 (down from $ 9800 last year) and, sure enough, the average, almost $ 3000. I’m not sure if new president Obama knows how bad things really are in this country but when he hears about the plummeting Super Bowl ticket prices, we’re certain he’ll break down and sob. He may be poised enough not to blubber a “Why me” Bushy refrain, but sad he’ll be, just the same.

      Silliman on Sports wants to help. We consider it our patriotic duty. Here comes the hype:
Steel Men versus the Guys in Red. The Rust Belt vs.the Sun Belt. Big Ben vs.Cute Kurt. Football’s best run organization vs the worst.  The Righteous Rooneys vs the Bad Bidwills. Two former Pittsburg Steeler coordinators going at each other. The Battle by the Bay. The Mia Copas from Maricopa. The Cardiac Cards vs the Steel Curtain. A surprise roster addition as former receiver Rod Tidwell is allowed to rejoin the Cardinals. This is after Tidwell badgers his agent to revive his career and “Show him the money.”

       Even more hype: There’ll be even bigger and bouncier commercials. Daring Danica in Devilishly Delicious Costumes. Bossy Bruce and his E-Streeters Rockin’ Out the Halftime. An atom bomb drops on Havana just as Max Weinberg reaches a crescendo on his drum solo. A Pirate Ship in the End Zone with Dick Cheney and other recently banished Bushites walking the plank. Are you excited yet?
Hyping The Recessionary Super Bowl by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons articles
       There’ll be a flyover by the celebrated Thunderbirds with cows parachuting from their F-16s carrying signs telling us to eat chicken. An elevator just below the end zone lifting up after every touchdown to show us Frank Zappa and Elvis doing a quick duet, then retreating back underground before the gasping audience tries to rush them for their autographs. Jesus and Buddha joining in on end zone touchdown dances, then fighting over this “new” delicacy known as chicken wings. Buddha choking on a chicken bone with Jesus trying to do the Heimlich but not able to get his arms all the way around. Regis strolling through the stadium asking if anyone wants to be a millionaire. Whenever he gets a response he immediately offers a contract to off cute little Kelly Ripa. Ryan Seacrest stops by. He has nothing to contribute, he’s just trying to get away from Simon.       

      Here’s another exciting thing, guaranteed to take your mind off the recession and make you proud to be watching the Super Bowl: The Super Bowl will be very green this year, eco-green, not monetary. On game day, Raymond James Stadium will be powered by solar panels and burning wood waste. The NFL moved in the panels, the wood waste and planted 1000 trees in the Tampa area so everyone could breathe well during the game. In past Super Bowls thousands of fans fainted from shortness of breath, over excitement and ticket prices. But now, since we’re down to $ 3100 tickets, one of those problems is solved. However, with all the hype our little enterprise has generated, we have serious doubts the excitement will be anything short of mind-blowing. Have a safe Super Bowl. Hope you survive it.

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