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Uecker with a Stalker? Who Knew?? by Stan Silliman


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Uecker with a Stalker? Who Knew??

        That’s what we said when our neighbor, Lyle, actually Lyle Kammerlocker came in with news of a restraining order to keep Ann Ladd away from the voice of the Milwaukee Brewers, Bob Uecker. Actually, we knew more about the case than Lyle.

    But when we first heard, we were like you. We asked “Who’d stalk Bob Uecker?” not only the voice of the Milwaukee Brewers but proud possessor of a lifetime .200 batting average. She had to be somewhat of a kook said our friend Lyle. “They should put away that stalker,” Lyle tells us “preferable in a meat locker.”
    Lyle’s doing his rhyming thing. At times, we encourage him.

    “That’s not the bad part,” we told our friend, Lyle Kammerlocker, “Uecker’s over 70 and this Ladd lady had some kind of a leg problem and was chasing him down with a walker.”

    “A stalker with a walker?” screams Lyle, “You’re lying.”
    “No, we’re not. And she was gabby and very loud. You could hear her halfway across the ballpark.”

    “Wait. You’re telling me this stalker was a loud talker?”
    “With a screechy voice that grates on your ears when she hobbled after him everywhere  always trying to get Uecker to do charity work for her.”

    “So now you’re saying this Milwaukee stalker-with-a-walker was a squawker?”
    “That’s right, not just a loud talker. And she was hawking a charity.”

    “What kind of charity?” asks Lyle.
    “She wanted Uecker to sign baseball cards so she could raise money to restore windows in historic buildings. Something like that.”

    “So you’re saying this squawker was shoving cards in Uecker’s face to talk up some dough to buy caulk?” Lyle turns kind of pale chalk. “That’s sick.” 
    “No, that’s the story.
Uecker with a Stalker? Who Knew?? by Stan Silliman
    “I know you’re leading me on, Silliman, but I’ve got to recap. How’d she end up in a walker?”
    “They say she was a model, fell off the runway and busted her hip. Then she had an epiphany and felt called to the cause of restoring old buildings,” we tell Lyle.

    “Okay, this squawker… this Milwaukee stalker-with-a-walker who’s a squawker… is a charity hawker who used to be a catwalker, and is now bugging Uecker so she can be a caulker?”
    “You’ve got it,” I say. “And she’s been doing it for six years.”

    “Six years? That is sick… but persistent with a walker and everything. Gee, I wish this were true.”
    “So do I.” (whispered… as Lyle walks out.)

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