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Silliman
on Sports By Stan Silliman Wackiest
Baseball Songs
Denny McLain: Live in Las Vegas That’s an album, no lie, you want to be sure to rush out and not buy. Resist! I know you’re saying why would a millionaire ex-ballplayer (okay, a coked up ex-millionaire ballplayer) try to make like a lounge singer in Vegas? (Okay, a coked up ex-millionaire ballplayer convicted of extortion and racketeering,) but still… you don’t want his album. Of all his crimes against humanity, the racketeering or this album, it’s hard to say which is worse. We discovered this in our search for the weirdest and wackiest baseball songs. And there are plenty, folks. The Jose Conseco song by an unknown author as an example: Jose Conseco, Jose Conseco Known from here to Waco As a major-league flake-o Who shot it up his cake-hole Even the big boys got in on the baseball lyric biz such as our favorite Bob Dylan and his homage to Catfish Hunter: Used to work on Mr. Finley’s farm… but the old man wouldn’t pay So he packed his glove and took his arm… an’ one day he just ran away Catfish, million-dollar-man… Nobody can throw the ball like Catfish can One of our favorite southern comedians – Tim Wilson - had a similar homage to a pitcher called “The Ballad of John Rocker:” Mr. John Rocker, better clean out that locker Or go out and throw about 42 perfect games Saving you a spot next to Marge Schott in the dip****s Hall-of-Fame John Rocker, Detective Fuhrman called, he knows just how you feel And I bet that congressman, David Dukes, would help you with your appeal  Kinky Friedman had a song about Marilyn and Joe. Turned out not to be one of Kink’s funnier bits. More of a love song, really. It’s called “Marilyn and Joe.” There is a place where you can go… Where Marilyn still dances with DiMaggio And Juliet with Romeo But that didn’t keep us from looking through thousands of baseball songs. There’s a song titled “Nolan Ryan’s Fastball,” one of eight songs on Ryan but they weren’t that funny. There are two songs out on Ichiro Suzuki, one a hip-hop song - Ichiro - with unprintable lyrics by Tony Rome which is more about trying to convince his gal to be more like Ichiro and give her all for “the team.” Another is called “RBI Samurai: The Ichiro Song.” He came from the land of the rising sun… he’s number 51 Can’t believe how fast the guy can run Go, go Ichiro… You’re my, my hero…Ichiro You’re the RBI Samurai… Go, go, Ichiro |