Signs of excess during
times of woe - Look no further than a Yankees World Series victory. The
“Canyon of Heroes” is littered with 5500 tons of confetti after a
ticker tape parade.
Lucky for Earth the Yankees haven’t won in nine years. If they made it
a habit, we’d all be wearing oxygen masks.
WHOAAAA, Mr. Tree Hugger! People need to celebrate,
especially those poor-financial-district-paper-shredding-stock brokers
whose bonuses were cut to only a million dollars last year. Yeah, do
you know how far a million dollar bonus gets you in New York nowadays?
Barely up to Central Park, that’s how far. Things are expensive in New
York. Just ask Mayor “Megabucks” Bloomberg, who spent $110 million
dollars on a Mayoral campaign to get 5% more of the electorate than his
opponent. Bloomberg spent five times as much getting elected mayor as
Kerry spent trying to get elected president. Included in his $110
million dollar expenditure was one foot thick of election brochure
propaganda paper mailed to every voter in the five boroughs. I’d do the math but I can’t type and
calculate at the same time I’m reaching for my oxygen mask.
WHOAAAA, Mr. Anti-Stimulus Tree Fondler! Printers
have businesses, too… they employ people and many of these printers are
nice hard-working Americans! Printing presses cost money, presses need
paper… and paper costs money, too, which is made from, er…guess what…
paper! Do you know how that paper gets to the millions of New York
voters? By mail carriers, that’s how. Mail carriers have families to
feed. And the people who make the sorting machines to sort your mail
and figure out your barely decipherable zip codes need to eat,
too! And do you know what? They’ve made it where our mail
carriers lugging the tons of Bloomberg generated tree pulp can hook an
oxygen tank device to their mail carts. So there!
So you’re saying 11 million pounds of shredded paper
littering the Canyon of Heroes is a GOOD THING?
Not exactly, Martha Stewart! Just saying 11 million
pounds of beer-soaked paper is easier to clean up than 11 million
pounds of spaghetti.
But if we had 11 million pounds of spaghetti (flat
noodles we assume) wouldn’t C.C. Sabathia clean it up all by himself?
Hey, garbage workers have families to feed, too! We
can’t let Sabathia do all the work.
So you’re saying the Yankees, with their bloated
payroll outspending the rest of the league and Mayor Bloomberg,
outspending his mayoral opponent by a rate of 15 to 1, with the both of
them winning while the rest of us cinch up our belts… is a good thing?!
Yes, Martha. Us little people, we need to scrimp and
scramble while leaving excessive indulgences to those who have no idea
the value of money. Who else better to run your city or shack up with
Madonna? Editor’s note: Bloomberg is
not doing Madonna. Mr. Silliman was referring to the Yankees.