on Sports
Bowl Nanza


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
    If you say there are way too many bowl games this year, first off, the Dear Wife will agree with you. Then, she’ll cook your breakfast, darn your socks, scratch your back and pretty much anything else she won’t do for me. Being agreeable goes a long ways.

    If you say bowl games should only be played on New Year’s Day. Well, then … she’ll do… ummm,… ummm… let’s just say, again, things she won’t do for me.

    Well, I’m sorry, but there are oodles of games and no matter how much you agree with my wife, big television (think… Mickey Mouse) dictates otherwise. There are twenty eight games with all but two televised by the Mouse. Everyone’s contributing to Uncle Scrooge. They’ve set up five screens in front of Walt’s frozen head so he won’t miss a single pass or fumble. Even Minnie is complaining and setting up shopping excursions with Daisy. It’s too much, even for the TV’s first family. Look for Daisy to run away with the AFLAC duck. Even Goofy has gone… well, you know.

    Half the teams playing in Division One college football are playing in Bowls. There is supposed to be a rule that says if you’ve won six games you qualify for a bowl. If you don’t win six , no bowl. Guess what, we were close, very close to not having enough teams winning six games to FILL all the bowls. Upsets on the last weekend made it possible to keep the bowl commitments.  The Champs Bowl and the Plains Capitol Bowl were sweating bowlets. These bowl bigwigs were flatlining, gnashing teeth, asking for miracles, joining Oral up in the Prayer Tower.

    Twenty seven of the games are being played in fifteen days -- fourteen in a three day period. That’s squeezing it, even for the Mouse, with only one game overlapping. Dedicated bowl watching husbands can Barcalounge themselves and never need to rise from Dec 30th to Jan 1. I’d recommend the Barca-porta-potty Model # 420 for maximum efficiency. It has a small refrigerator on the side with a re-circulating ice maker, beer dispenser and Cheetos keeper. Ask for the model that handles double roll toilet paper. A little more expensive but worth it in reload downtime.

Bowl Nanza

    Personally, there could be a few less bowls. But for now, we need to have fun with the ones we have because they might not be there to make fun of next year. To me the bowls with the weirdest names are the Pioneer Pure Vision Las Vegas Bowl (Dec 23), the Vitalis Sun Bowl in El Paso (Dec 31) and Silicon Valley Bowl in San Jose (Dec 30). Last bowl first; I’m thinking computer geeks running a bowl, Simon and Garfinkel singing “Do you know the way…”, a computer chip inside the football – a football with Intel Inside. Whenever a ball is kicked or passed we’re going to see it from the ball’s viewpoint.

   Next, the Vitalis Sun Bowl? First of all, there’s still a Sun Bowl? Second, there’s still Vitalis? Sounds like a match made in Juarez by people who have been in the sun too long. If there’s one hair dressing not to wear in the sun, one that might have a little too much alcohol, I’m thinking … Vitalis. Last, the PPVLV Bowl, in Las Vegas? Good location, I’ll agree, but pure vision in Las Vegas? How about a little truth – The Bleary Eyed Hung Over Lost All My Money in Las Vegas Bowl.  People will buy that one.  

   Laugh now, folks. They might not be here next year.     

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