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Cabbage and craziness






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By Stan Silliman
       
CABBAGE HEADS AND CRAZINESS

         To keep cool, Park Myung-hwan, a baseball picher for the Doosan Bears of the Korean league, wears frozen cabbage leaves under his hat. At least he did until his hat flew off and a leaf flew out confusing the batter.

    “I was expecting curve ball and I get kimchi. It not fair, I tell you,” says Sun Man Young,  batter for the Hanwha Eagles. 
    So then a rhubarb breaks out, followed by a rutabaga, then a radicchio.  

    Okay, we’re confused. Are you? The South Korean baseball commission ruled that no matter how hot it gets, no vegetables under the hat. On the other hand, on top of the hat, if you want to make like Willard Scott, that’s okay, just so long as you don’t fill the stadium with centenarians… on a hot day. Nothing worse than a bunch of 100-year-olds dropping from the heat, saying, “Baseball sure has changed. I remember when guys wore flannel knickers and players all had mustaches. No wait, that’s when I lived in Oakland.”

    Okay, would it have been better if we had Carman Miranda show up in her fruit hat and her fruit skirt?
    “La Cucaracha, la cucaracha…”

    Hold it Carman. That’s the last thing we need, cockroaches in our vegetables. Just read us our rights and move on.

    “You have the right to wear food on your head.
     You have the right to sing and wear castanets on your fingers.
     Should you give up this right… a member of the Village People will wear these for you.
    You have ….”

    Hey, Carman, stop it. Beat it.

    Jimmy Dugan, now coaching men in the Korean league, gives his standard speech “There is no cabbage in baseball…”

Cabbage Heads
   
         So we checked to see how many other incidents we could find where athletes wore fruits or vegetables for one reason or other. We checked many areas but only in the sport of football did we come across an incident. This was involving a quarterback for the Oklahoma Sooners. Further investigation shows it turned out to be a case of mishearing earnest advice as quarterback Jamelle Holieway was found with a Chiquita under his helmet.  The banana was getting squishy when former Oklahoma quarterback Thomas Lott, mentor to Holieway, had to go in red-faced and reiterate to Jamelle that it might be a “good  idea to wear a bandana under your helmet.”


     Thomas Lott meant well, we’re certain. As far as other athletes wearing fruits and vegetables, we know they’re always looking for an advantage, be it in Korea or elsewhere.
If it happens again, we here at Silliman on Sports will let you know. 
     
    
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