watching the OU-Nebraska
Big 12 Championship game I noticed several Nebraska fans wearing big
ol’ corn cobs on their heads. I’ve never seen something this funny,
involving someone wearing food on their head, since a policeman stopped
Carman Miranda to read her her rights. These were big corn cobs. How
big? Tommy Lee big, maybe the reason Tommy Lee chose Nebraska to film
his reality show “Tommy Lee Goes to College.”
Are these corn cob hats the funniest things sports
fans wear on their heads? “No,” says our neighbor Lyle. “The Hog Hats
Arkansas fans wear when they go ‘Sooey, pig, sooey.
sooeeeeeey. Go piggggeee, go, go, soooey’ those are funny
looking hats. I’ve even seen an Arkansas pig farmer wearing a pig hat
when one of his pigs had fallen in the mud and you know what he said to
his farm hand?”
We had to ask.
“He said,” Lyle is gestering like a guy trying to
lift up a pig “Raise her back up here, Cecil. Did you get it?
Raz-or-back?” We wish we hadn’t.
So we’re guessing Arkansas has the funniest head
“Just so long as you don’t say UTEP.” It’s Ross
Purity, the former Miner football player turned heavyweight boxer
and no, Ross, we’re not going to make fun of the miners hats the UTEP
fans wear… (am I crazy?) because we know electricity is sometimes hard
to come by down by the border and if enough fans wear hats, you can
still play a night game.
“How about the Longhorn hats?” Lyle asks, speaking
of the University of Texas and I have to remind Lyle Texas fans no
longer wear big Longhorn hats. Too much eye damage, we’re told.
“How about those big Trojan helmets USC fans wear?
They’re funny.” Better than condoms, we’re thinking.
“How about those hats the Louisville Cardinals
wear?” Lyle asks. “If everybody is wearing a Mitre, you can’t see the
game.” Same goes for little Manhattan College in New York.
Empire State Buildings on their heads. But, at least, the
Empire State Building doesn’t block as much view because it has windows
you see though.
What about Butler, the college in Indiana, we ask
Lyle. Those Bowler hats, they’re cute. And the cheerleaders in the
French Maid outfits, that’s classy. Especially with their cheers “Go,
James, Go” and then the band rings a big dinner bell and the whole
cheering section goes “You rang?”
We may nominate Buffalo University in Buffalo, New
York for their Chicken Wing hats with fans yelling “Give ‘em some hot
Come to think of it, you can make a feast of all
these hats – chicken wings with corn cobs served by the butler under
the romantic miner’s lights, blessed by the cardinals with the Empire
State Building in the background.
No wonder fans are tailgate party hungry all the
time. Them hats are appetizing.