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Get your Corn Hats Here by Stan Silliman


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Get Your Corn Hats Here

      While watching the OU-Nebraska Big 12 Championship game I noticed several Nebraska fans wearing big ol’ corn cobs on their heads. I’ve never seen something this funny, involving someone wearing food on their head, since a policeman stopped Carman Miranda to read her her rights. These were big corn cobs. How big? Tommy Lee big, maybe the reason Tommy Lee chose Nebraska to film his reality show “Tommy Lee Goes to College.”

    Are these corn cob hats the funniest things sports fans wear on their heads? “No,” says our neighbor Lyle. “The Hog Hats Arkansas fans wear when they go ‘Sooey, pig, sooey.
Sooey… sooeeeeeey. Go piggggeee, go, go, soooey’ those are funny looking hats. I’ve even seen an Arkansas pig farmer wearing a pig hat when one of his pigs had fallen in the mud and you know what he said to his farm hand?”
    We had to ask. 
    “He said,” Lyle is gestering like a guy trying to lift up a pig “Raise her back up here, Cecil. Did you get it? Raz-or-back?” We wish we hadn’t.
    So we’re guessing Arkansas has the funniest head hats.

    “Just so long as you don’t say UTEP.” It’s Ross Purity, the former Miner football player  turned heavyweight boxer and no, Ross, we’re not going to make fun of the miners hats the UTEP fans wear… (am I crazy?) because we know electricity is sometimes hard to come by down by the border and if enough fans wear hats, you can still play a night game.

    “How about the Longhorn hats?” Lyle asks, speaking of the University of Texas and I have to remind Lyle Texas fans no longer wear big Longhorn hats. Too much eye damage, we’re told.
    “How about those big Trojan helmets USC fans wear? They’re funny.” Better than condoms, we’re thinking.  

    “How about those hats the Louisville Cardinals wear?” Lyle asks. “If everybody is wearing a Mitre, you can’t see the game.”  Same goes for little Manhattan College in New York.
They wear Empire State Buildings on their heads. But, at least, the Empire State Building doesn’t block as much view because it has windows you see though.

    What about Butler, the college in Indiana, we ask Lyle. Those Bowler hats, they’re cute. And the cheerleaders in the French Maid outfits, that’s classy. Especially with their cheers “Go, James, Go” and then the band rings a big dinner bell and the whole cheering section goes “You rang?”

    We may nominate Buffalo University in Buffalo, New York for their Chicken Wing hats with fans yelling “Give ‘em some hot sauce.”

    Come to think of it, you can make a feast of all these hats – chicken wings with corn cobs served by the butler under the romantic miner’s lights, blessed by the cardinals with the Empire State Building in the background.
Get Your Corn Hats Here by Stan Silliman
    No wonder fans are tailgate party hungry all the time. Them hats are appetizing.

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