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Love of Rugby






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By Stan Silliman
       
FOR THE LOVE OF RUGBY
   
   
    Quick, name the most famous Rugby player in the world. Hmmm?

    You can’t do it, right? This is the same question I asked Lyle when he brought in the story of the Welsh rugby fan who cut off his testicles when Wales’ Six Nations beat England last week. Who clips their nuts over a rugby match, when none of us, worldwide, even know the names of rugby players, for crying out loud?

Love of Rugby

    Lyle, our neighbor (sometimes known as Loony Lyle) wants me to write something about how stupid, but fanatic, Welsh rugby fans are. I tell him there’s not much I can say except that a picture’s worth a thousand words… and we’re not going there. “But, Silliman, did you read about the British trial where a woman in England, mad because her boyfriend wouldn’t have sex with her, ripped off his testicles? The whole island has gone nuts.”

    I’d say. We find the story on Geoff Huish, 26 year old pub-going, willing-to-bet-on-anything, so convinced that England would beat Wales that he said “If Wales wins, I’ll cut my balls off.” And then friends thought Huish was joking but after Wales won 11-9 he went home, carried out his promise and walked back to the social club carrying his proof.

    “You see, Silliman, that’s just nuts,” Lyle says.

    I’m thinking this guy has the 2005 Darwin Award wrapped up…. along side his… And I’m also thinking it’s getting kind of tough to type this story with my legs crossed. On the other hand, Mr. Huish’s cancer risk has dropped (bright side looking) and we’re betting he’ll be a little more docile at the next rugby match he attends. But the painful thing, I bet, was Geoff watching the match with Wales making their run and shocking everyone. You know he’s pulling for Wales
but still a part of him is saying “NO!!!.”

    “Man,” Lyle chirps, “that had to be like sliding down a razor and landing into a pool of iodine.”

    Oh, gee, just as I was making some progress at getting my legs uncrossed. I tell Lyle it’s possible that centuries of misconceptions about Welshmen not paying off their bets backed poor Mr.Huish into a corner. It was like he had the reputation of his entire country on his shoulders if he dared “welsh” on his bet. That’s sad.  Even sadder when the orderly checking him into the hospital took note of his name and remarked “That’s funny, you don’t look Huish.”

    “By the way, Silliman, it’s Jean Condom of France,” Lyle says.
   
    What?

    “The most famous rugby player- Jean Condom - of France. You know, he breaks out of the scrum. He runs past the loose forwards. He socks it to England. They wanted him to play for USC. Don’t you remember?”  

    Condom hasn’t been in action since the early to mid-nineties, I tell Lyle. And he wasn’t all that reliable.

     
    
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