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Million Dollar Fishing Lure by Stan Silliman






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By Stan Silliman
       
Million Dollar Fishing Lure
     
        Looking for a holiday present for your favorite angler? Never thought a fishing lure will keep you up with the Joneses? Do you need REAL proof our society has gone absolutely loony?

       Well, we have it, Sparky, a three pound gold and platinum salt-water fishing lure with over 4753 encrusted diamonds and… oh yeah, costing over a million dollars.

 

        I’m not trying to do an ad for Mac Burney and his MacDaddy Lure Company of California. I’m just saying when there are idiots who will build and buy idiotic sport items, we’ll write about it. Burney not only made this 12” lure ($ 83,333 per inch, if you care) but says the somewhat pricey fishing gadget “trolls perfectly behind the boat.”

 

        WHATTT??  He makes a million dollar gadget … and then goes out and… fishes with it?

What is he thinking?! Like there’s gold-digging marlin in the sea? Like the salmon community has its own Anna Nicole? Okay, change that to Paris Hilton, lest it’s too early to mention Anna. But still, not only making this thing (of which he made 25) but actually dropping it into the salt-water in hopes a shark or a sailfish likes to nibble on gemstone? No wonder the price of salmon is climbing.

 Million Dollar Fishing Lure by Stan Silliman

       Here’s a question that must be asked: Does the lure work? Can you see a marlin swimming along, look up and think “Ooooh. That bait looks delicious and… and… what’s all that shiny stuff around it? Is it sequins… cause I like sequins. CRUNCHHH. Owww. This isn’t sequins. Somebody planted diamonds on this sucker. Oh, my teeth. Ohhh. These diamonds are so pretty! Rubies, too!? Wow. If I’m going to be hooked by a fisherman, I like one who is respectful enough to use the good stuff… or my name isn’t Marlin Monroe.”

 

      On MacDaddy’s Fishing Lures website they explain how Mac Burney came to want to manufacture the world’s greatest lures. We’re not making this up, this quote is from their site: “Mac caught his first fish while sitting on his daddy’s knee, and made his first fishing lure out of copper at the age of nine. As a result of the simple “family values” instilled in him while fishing…”

 

            I’ve seen those words “family values” used a lot, especially this election time of year, but I’ve never seen it used by a guy who wiped out Harry Winston’s vault to make a fishing lure. I don’t even think Donald Trump would part with this kind of dough to catch a Bluefin, and we’re talking about someone who when he was nine-years-old also learned “family values” by sitting on his Daddy’s knee when being told “Son, someday you can trade in all these slums for high rises and get a really big kick firing people.”

 

            Browsing through MacDaddy’s site we find their “Million-Dollar Tackle Box” with its jeweled flies, gold lures and assorted gemstone lures. “The only tackle box insured by Lloyd’s of London” we’re told. “We put bling on your string!” is their motto, shouted. “Many women wear our fishing lures on their evening gowns” is another claim. Oh, now we see. Someone is trying to hook someone and not necessarily an underwater sucker.  After all, how much moolah does a sailfish carry around? Or if an entire school of fish, and we imagine it’s one of those ivy league fish schools, could they pool together enough fins to afford a MacDaddy? Hmmmm? We’re onto them. They can’t hook us.

     
    
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